Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
