May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
