First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize