Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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