Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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