Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
