My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
