he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
