He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
