Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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