im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
