Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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