i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
A+ Viking dick
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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