dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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