i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
