He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
