My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
