is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
