What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
