Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize