I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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