Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
