I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
