She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
