So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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