So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
