You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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