im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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