I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
