well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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