hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize