Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
