haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
