Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
