RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
