I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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