I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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