Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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