Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You pole danced in your parka.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
