Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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