my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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