if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
