we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
