have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize