Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
