i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
