so that wasnt chicken after all
just tell him i said nine months
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
