We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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