Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The Olympian is in my bed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
