why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize