were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
