well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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