So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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