I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
