This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
