Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
