Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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