he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
