everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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