You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
