I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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