So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
