If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
