Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
