batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
