i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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