Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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